school – disfunction.

I have been reflecting a lot on school recently. I feel like until the 7th grade, learning via a classroom was effective. However, I think that changed when I was confined to a classroom with directed interest.

Some of you might know that I have been accepted to college. This is really exciting, even for me, as I think college will be the place where I can learn while also having the room to explore.

I worry about getting there, as in finishing my last year. I have a little over a year and a half of coursework to complete, being closer to two years. This has caused me a lot of stress, although I am focused on getting through and getting out. Once I get to my fresh start, I think I will thrive. At least, hopefully. Life always throws curveballs, though I find my way through it all somehow.

I think the main issue with school is how tailored it is to once certain type of student. There is no room for people who have atypical interests, something even as far as programming. You would be surprised how hard it is to find a programming class that matches my level. No mean to brag.

Wikipedia was my source of learning when people could not teach me properly and were simultaneously failing me in much more extreme ways. While I will never be freed from that jail of pain, it creates fury towards the education system.

While I highly respect the school I am attending now (not some private posh school, it’s a plain old public school), I cannot get over their lack of understanding. Some students have such terrible lives behind the scenes, but that will not stop teachers and administration from pushing them over their limit. It is no longer about learning, it’s about numbers and statistics. These numbers convert to money.

What I thought I knew about society was wrong. Is your view wrong? I dunno. I think I was misguided as to what the world really is and I think I am finding my own path to discovering that for myself.

While school will make it seem on paper that I am a literal failure, I know that I am not. I know this world relies on those numbers to function, but I will not give into them. I once gave into numbers and it nearly destroyed my life.

The advice I leave readers with is to trust themselves. I hope you all trust that you know what’s best and take opinions from others, but not build your personality based off what others believe is the “right way.” There is no right way and I don’t think there ever will be.

I know I haven’t written on here in a while and I’m sorry about that. During this time, a lot has happened and I’m sure most of you have seen the significant amount of changes made to my repositories in the past few months. I have been working a lot more to work on these projects and it’s really been helping with improving my mood and keeping my brain active. I’m still keeping with public domain for the most part, as for some projects I like to maintain stricter usage guidelines.

I have launched my own email service (completely free!) over at pontusmail.org which has been really exciting for me. It’s code is being hosted over at GitHub. This project has been very fast-paced although has taught me some very useful skills. Version three of my website, aidxnCC, which is also in the public domain on GitHub, has taught me all about NextJS, which I like a lot now. I have never seen such speed and this is the first time I am accepting Vercel into my life.

Next, I am being required to do service hours. 10 hours actually. They are the worst things in the world. Why? I’m not a “bullshit volunteer.” I have worked on Wikipedia for at least forty hours at least, which would be enough for four years of high school. However, I must do extra hours, which I have been forgetting to log because that’s not the point of volunteering. If I have to do some huge process to log these hours, what are we really doing? It’s about actually helping people, not creating some “brag sheet,” like the rest of America participates in.

I have been fed up with how many fake people there are in this world. We do not actually care about doing good, it’s about finding out how you can benefit from helping others. It is extremely hard to find people with values these days.

However, I have been buying a lot of domains recently. In fact, I’ve bought three just the past two days combined. I’m very excited for buying one specific domain, which will be announced soon, which I had to wait for. This domain is very close to my heart, in an infamous way. Thus, I will be happy to own this one because I can finally share my story and other people’s stories. I’ll give you a hint: abuser. And the people who are involved know exactly who they are and what they did. This is aimed to be a more educational project than anything, as I think spreading the word about this type of abuse would be quite useful. Especially the location where the project exists. All to be revealed soon.

In terms of school, I have fallen a bit behind though this is going to improve. I always try to do my hardest, even when nobody is really watching or caring. My GitHub is where my true self shines, though. Sadly, this has no value to a school which seems to be more about training conformity then actual education.

Life still feels like it’s dragging be behind, although I keep pushing back and pushing through. I am slowly healing. It’s a slow process, especially having to do everything on my own, but I get through. I’m always happy to have things like my blog, my GitHub and my devices to keep me distracted from the sadness my brain wants me to focus on. Music has been invaluable these days, too.

I hope you, the reader, are doing well. I’ve seen so many people who aren’t doing well, so just know you aren’t alone if you aren’t doing well. We all have bad times in our lives and welcome to the world, I guess. I wish there was a better answer than this. Either way, I am so happy to be in this community, especially my friends over on Telegram. Keep safe, everyone!

Tag: school

School never was for me

Service hours are silly and other updates